That grin. Her cheeks flushed once again as butterflies fluttered about in her gut when she saw that carefree smile on his face. Just that one expression practically forced her to believe that everything was going to be perfectly fine when everything was said and done—and she was more than tempted to believe to start with. She felt calmer, though, and it was rewarding to see him relax as well. She followed silently on their way to the dining hall, sitting when he pulled the seat out for her (holding her breath in fear of missing completely and falling on her bum in an embarrassing episode), and still pink-faced from when he nuzzled so delicately into her hair.
“I hope you like them, honestly,” she said softly with a small shrug. That was when her mind clicked into habit. She set the given silverware in the proper etiquette, making sure to set them perfectly aligned and neatly. She didn’t even glance at her plate until he sat himself down also. It was almost like watching a machine go about an order—how concentrated she was and just how much the outer world seemed to just disappear.
That was until those inhibited actions were completed, and she froze, hands fidgeting where they now rested on her lap self-consciously.
There was much more relaxation in Jay’s movements; his home was always so hectic around mealtime, and the real concern was sitting down, not having a sibling pick at you, or have his mother chide them all for acting like animals at the dinner table. Meals were time for love, for laughs, for a possible toss of a biscuit across the table to smack someone in the head if they were being a little too… well, anything other than fun (followed by a smack to the back of the head and ‘Lord have Mercy’ from his Mamma, without doubt). He was always taught to take care of a lady at the table but past that? It was all kind of guess and check.
The over-analysed settling of the silverware was… well, something noticed, to say the least - that meant she wanted everything to be perfect here as well (not really a shock, but more something he didn’t know how to do). Settling as well as he could, he waited for her to stop fidgeting at least a little before trying to pipe up with conversation. “Ah can’t see why they wouldn’ be great. Yer a great cook, trust me, Ah’ve had yer cookin’ b’fore.”
Should he ask if he could take a bite? No - that would be weird. Just take a bite. If it was wrong, he would notice. Oh well - here goes!
A calculated few movements of his fork through the cakes, tining fruit as well, were popped into his maw, and his eyes rolled a little in his skull. What did she have to worry about?! It was delicious! Jay went to speak, but stopped himself, chewing and swallowing the contents before complimenting his partner copiously.
“These, these here? These’re great. Best damn hotcakes Ah’ve ever had, fer sure. Ah mean that - Ramona, yer a great cook. Simply great.”
The girl believed his words. She believed in him and trusted him, so why would she doubt his words now? Her face was tinged pink as he pulled her closer, but otherwise, she didn’t make any other notion besides settling into the contact offered. “Alright, then. It’s a deal.” A meek smile made it’s way to her face. She could agree that the simplistic way he worded it was more than a little comforting.
While she may not be quite there yet in seeing herself as he saw her. It was hard for her to even imagine someone thought so highly of her, and it was even more difficult to accept. But she would try. She would try her very hardest to finally cross that threshold.
“Um, right. I’m…” she paused from saying “sorry”, instead just nodding her head in agreement. “I’m glad we talked too.”
She moved away from the Southerner somewhat hesitantly to locate her plate of hotcakes. Once she placed her hand on it, she felt that they were still warm, and she let out a soft sigh of relief.
“And Jay… Thank you.”
The well toned male’s muscles started to relax a little as she relaxed, his frame almost a mirror for her own actions in a way. He grasped onto his plate, watching her and listening, bright smile never leaving. It was assuring to most; that electric grin and equally bright eyes almost screaming, ‘everything’s okay’. As she settled in against him a bit, he kissed the top of her forehead and let her calm just a bit further.
He thought of her as the stars in the sky; so high above him, so brilliant, so otherworldly it was almost painful to touch one in person - though, instead of being burned, he was comforted by the contact with his personal loving stellar body. So much love was seeded in his heart for the young shadow caster, and just nodded at her words, a small whisper of ‘Mhmm’ (Jay was trying so hard not to drag things out) assured her he was listening.
Leading her out towards the dining hall, Joshua’s head leaned over and onto hers, a small nuzzle given to the soft silken locks that were so brilliant. Ramona always smelled so good, he couldn’t help but breathe softly of her scent as they moved. Setting down his plate, he pulled out a chair for his love after gently pulling from her, ever the gentleman. “Ah can’t wait ta’ taste these, ‘Mona.”
Such conflict; one moment so sure, the next to frail and faltering. Jay was unsure what to do, or say to make her feel better - because if he told her it was going to be okay, and that he would be there, she would feel like he was catering to her, but if he just agreed with her and let this go, nothing would change or be fixed.
It was hard for Jay to even try and think that he couldn’t really help; that all he could do was be there for her… that she would have to want things to get better, and admit that there was a real issue (not only in general, but that it was an issue that she felt she didn’t deserve help), because he couldn’t do it for her, no matter how he wanted. If he could have wrapped his arms around her and took her away from all the pain, shushed her into silence as he protected her, he would have; if he could have taken the nightmares away, he would have - those would never go away until she came to terms with her own internal struggles though.
“Ah… you’re not botherin’ me. It’s not effort - Ah wanna’ spend time with yew, an’ yer not ‘bein’ any way. Yer hurtin’ - that’s not something that’s gonna’ bother me. Ah just wanna’ make it better. Even if Ah can’t, jus’… let me try, alrigh’?”
She couldn’t let her mistakes go… Jay knew that well. That was theproblem. Ramona needed to learn to let go.
“Yew don’t need ta’ be sorry,” it was so hard for the winged male to keep his voice even and calm, but somehow, he managed, “Promise. Ah’m gonna’ worry - jus’ like Ah know yew worry. It’s jus’ natural. Ain’t a single thing ta’ be sorry about, hon’. Please… Yew don’t have ta’ be worried abou’ upsettin’ me. Ah’m not goin’ anywhere. Ah’m not changin’. Ah jus’ wanna’ help.”
“I-I’m sorry—for… saying I’m sorry? I don’t know,” she stammered out softly with a defeated shrug. “There are crazier things going on out there, I know, but it’s infuriating when my own past is the only thing keeping me from facing the here and now.” It wasn’t as if the girl didn’t want to move on… She just found it very difficult to do so. But that didn’t mean that she wasn’t going to try and give it one hell of a shot.
Her face flushed. “Maybe… if you’d like…” she cleared her throat as a way to combat the awkwardness in her tone, “And you’re not at all that busy and there’s nothing else in your agenda…” Her voice was very close to cracking under nerves, but she kept it in check as to not slip into her accent completely as she had the habit of doing when overwhelmed. She needed to relax. This was Jay—not a complete stranger. She took a small breath and nodded. “I want your help, and I want to help myself too. The thing is, you already help more than you think you do. When you’re around… everything is much brighter. So maybe you can make sleep a bit easier just by being there.”
Her hands fidgeted timidly in front of her, something she did with trying to think while feeling as if she was the size of an ant. “As much as I don’t want to add to the things your worried about—you can help. We’ll just work together to help each other. Give and take.”
In her opinion, that’s how it should be.
But she also knew Jay was raised by an honorable woman. He was taught to help people because that was the good thing to do. Did he knew how to accept help in return just as easily?
It then that she realized something. Jay wasn’t the one who needed to change…
She did. Even more than she already had.
It took restraint to not tell the girl she didnt need to be sorry for being sorry; they would have been in an infinite loop of ‘sorrys’ - Jay would keep telling her it was fine and she would keep being apologetic. Instead, he just pulled her closer and listened, nodding. “It’ll be fine. Ah’ll keep yew company an’ in return, yew can help me with school. So Ah don’t fall behind. Give an’ take, tit fer tat.”
He would give, she would give - it would be even. All Jay wanted was for Ramona to see her own beauty and worth, even a little. it would take time, but, maybe one day. Until then, they would work on it.
“How about we eat, huh? B’fore they get too cold. I’m glad we talked, though.”
Gald that he learned something, and learned that she needed a little more help, moreso.
The small femme’s entire body looked extremely frail then, as if openly admitting all of those things had physically weakened her because she had acknowledged their existence to someone who would surely not just understand, but feel bad about how she felt and would try to help. She felt assured (even if it was only a little bit of a comfort) when he continued to pull her closer and closer as the moments ticked by. It was just difficult for her to speak her mind when she was so scared of hurting the feelings of someone she cared about so dearly—Jay being the prime example. She wasn’t angry at him, and surely he must know that. After all, she couldn’t hide her anger nearly as well as he could.
That moment in the infirmary was in the past. Sure, it had happened, but it was safely tucked away into that time and place. The only thing that continued to nag her was the fact that she’d felt so alone even then. But now things were much better and she no longer felt so secluded. It was difficult for the girl to discern exactly when this transition had occurred. Her cheeks reddened at the feel of his arms around her waist, body shifting slightly from habit to lean closer to him. If anything, this made her cheeks deepen in shade.
She could feel the inklings of tears beginning to prickle at her eyes just as he nuzzled her cheek and spoke those comforting words, trying to make her feel better like he always did. Her arms moved around his neck in a light hug, standing on the tips of her toes so she wouldn’t pull him down to her level.
“You know me… I hate making mistakes,” she whispered somewhat condescendingly, “I guess that part of me just won’t let it go. But you don’t need to share my feelings. You’ve got enough on your mind and I’m adding to it by being this way…” She moved back a bit to look at him, expression apologetic before she was pulled even closer and that comforting action of him moving his hand through her hair had started. Despite her nerves, her body relaxed under the kind touch.
His offer made her pull back in alarm, though, face bright red as she shook her head in alarm. “I-I-I couldn’t! I mean, staying with me on the weekends is fine as it is! I could never ask you to… No, no.” Her face felt really warm just then, and she bit the inside of her cheek. “Y-you don’t have to. This is enough. It really is!”
Crying was the last thing Ramona wanted to do. So despite her eyes shining a bit with still yet-to-be-shed tears and the emotional lump in her throat, she fought back the feelings. “Please—don’t change at all. I didn’t tell you all of this to make you feel like you need to be better or more constant. You’re perfect. This has just been on my mind and I needed to say it.” She sighed. “I needed to talk about it, is all.”
Her face was still very pink from the close proximity. “And I… I’m so sorry for making you worry. I’m happy. I really am. I wouldn’t have stopped hurting myself if I wasn’t, Jay.”
Such conflict; one moment so sure, the next to frail and faltering. Jay was unsure what to do, or say to make her feel better - because if he told her it was going to be okay, and that he would be there, she would feel like he was catering to her, but if he just agreed with her and let this go, nothing would change or be fixed.
It was hard for Jay to even try and think that he couldn’t really help; that all he could do was be there for her… that she would have to want things to get better, and admit that there was a real issue (not only in general, but that it was an issue that she felt she didn’t deserve help), because he couldn’t do it for her, no matter how he wanted. If he could have wrapped his arms around her and took her away from all the pain, shushed her into silence as he protected her, he would have; if he could have taken the nightmares away, he would have - those would never go away until she came to terms with her own internal struggles though.
“Ah… you’re not botherin’ me. It’s not effort - Ah wanna’ spend time with yew, an’ yer not ‘bein’ any way. Yer hurtin’ - that’s not something that’s gonna’ bother me. Ah just wanna’ make it better. Even if Ah can’t, jus’… let me try, alrigh’?”
She couldn’t let her mistakes go… Jay knew that well. That was theproblem. Ramona needed to learn to let go.
“Yew don’t need ta’ be sorry,” it was so hard for the winged male to keep his voice even and calm, but somehow, he managed, “Promise. Ah’m gonna’ worry - jus’ like Ah know yew worry. It’s jus’ natural. Ain’t a single thing ta’ be sorry about, hon’. Please… Yew don’t have ta’ be worried abou’ upsettin’ me. Ah’m not goin’ anywhere. Ah’m not changin’. Ah jus’ wanna’ help.”
The firm grip on the girl’s shoulders definitely made her tense up just a bit underneath his fingers. There was no chance that it was out of fear of him, but rather of tenacity in the off chance that she’d said something far too strongly and had made herself look like quite the overachieving fool. Her eyes were a bit downcast at first, but they slowly moved up at his green eyes as he began to say how she had been correct. It made a small but proud smile appear on her face, the sheer honesty in his voice the only real assurance she needed at that moment. Of course she saw that inner storm in his mind that swirled about sometimes—how could she not see it? Everyone had deep emotions, no matter how strong they may appear to be on the outside. Jay was a person of actions rather than words, but even he needed to let out his thoughts once in a while before they consumed him and grew to an uncontrollable fire.
Ramona saw him as more than just a Southern boy with a talent for music—she saw what was inside too. So she knew for a fact that he was extremely worried for his friends and family. Why wouldn’t he be? He had experienced what it was like to be an outcast. No one would wish that sort of feeling on their loves ones if they could help it. And even with her assuring words—though he swore be believed her—the worry would not just simply fade away from existence in his thoughts.
The real kicker had been when he told her of the faith he had in her and what she had said. Those words almost made her giddy without denial, but the sobering thoughts of how she failed Rahne in being captured still plagued her mind incessantly. A part of the girl would never forgive herself for making that kind of mistake; and she chastised herself for it. That thought alone made her hesitate in further acting as she wanted to and she tried to hide that fact behind a soft shrug as if she was brushing off the praise modestly—which she was doing, as well.
“I know it’s a lot to think about, and there’s nothing wrong with thinking about it,” she cooed, brushing those swishing bangs back with her gentle hands, strands tickling her palm. “It’s just that I want you to know something that’s been on my mind for a while now, is all…” She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck loosely, mostly her arms resting lightly on his shoulders. They still had a decent amount of comfortable space between their bodies, a sign that he could remain there or pull her closer if he wished it.
She began to speak softly, controlled, but hesitant. “I did make it out of that horrid place, yes, but I did’t get out without collecting my own share of scars. It was a nightmare trying to wake up afterward because I was scared that being saved was the dream,” her voice cracked a bit during the final words in the sentence. She took a quick second to compose herself before continuing. “But then you and Alistair—I was so angry. I felt that while everyone else was being cared for, I was the one who was still invisible. And worst of all, I knew I was being bloody childish about it, but I didn’t care then. When you apologized, I wanted to snap at you honestly, but you were so sincere and your nose was still covered in blood that I…” She closed her eyes. “I forgave you before you even apologized because I knew why you’d hit him. You felt like you failed somehow in being unable to protect us. Me. He made it worse.
“You see, though? After that, life just returned to… well… sort of normal, yeah?” Her arms slipped from his shoulders until her hands were resting gently on his chest, her body trying to appear smaller in her nervous state. “And no one ever said that it was okay to still be afraid of waking up sometimes or it was understandable to feel this gnawing guilt in my gut because a part of me knows I failed Rahne, Kurt, Todd, and John. No one at all.”
The girl drew a trembling breath past the lump forming in her throat as the most recent nightmare reared its ugly head in her mind. “I don’t blame anyone or anything like that, but the guilt is there. The fear is still very much there—and I’m not sure what to do with it besides push it back because no one’s told me otherwise. I need to be able to protect you, as well as others. Maybe that’s when this feeling will go away.” She shrugged lightly, lips pursing nervously.
“The storm hasn’t stopped for me yet, I think, and the scariest thing is that I’m scared it’s going to get worse now because I couldn’t see the calm in between.”
The feeling of cool hands on his neck was comforting; it gave Jay something to focus on while Ramona spoke so earnestly. His own hands moved to rest around her waist, looped there, holding the British girl to him but always allowing her space if she needed it. This was not a time to suffocate the one he loved; this was the time for balance, and a time for not just hearing, but listening and understanding.
It broke his heart, how Ramona had held those feelings of inadequacy, of having failed at something in others’ times of need inside… and how she had kept her anger and frustration at him a secret. While he had never meant what happened between him and Allistair to even happen in the first place, now that he thought about it (God, it had been a long time since he thought about it), it was… well, foolish. Foolish, childish, stupid - and worst of all, in front of the girl that he cared for so deeply, so fully. How did he not see right away that the other was merely egging him on, and that there was no point in answering, or allowing the other boy to get his goat?
Never again would he let himself do something like that. He wouldn’t hurt her like that again. He wouldn’t let that happen.
“Ramona… yew didn’t fail,” came a soft whisper, the taller’s head resting next to hers, a light little nuzzle applied to her cheek for comfort. “Honest. No one thinks that - all Ah’ve ever heard is praise fer what yew did. Honey.. Everyone’s jus’ proud’a yew fer what yew did - not upset that everything didn’t happen jus’ right. Nothin’s perfect; each person made mistakes, and everyone in life will make mistakes. It isn’ somethin’ y’should drown yerself on. Ah… If Ah could take all the pain away, even take it onta’ m’self, I would - because yew really don’t deserve t’feel so bad about it.”
A few silent strokes through her hair with his callused hands preceded his soft words and a gentle swaying as he urged her ever closer, wanting just to protect her from the world, and in a way, from her own mind. “Baby… Ah… D’y’want me ta’ stay with yew? Nightmares ain’t somethin’ Ah can make go away, but if y’want, Ah can be there t’make sure yer okay. Yew can wake me up if yew have one - any time. It wouldn’t upset me. Ah’d be glad jus’ t’be able t’hold yew… even if it didn’ help.”
Jay’s heart ached - truly hurt, and felt as if it were tearing at itself; like the very soul in him had grown teeth and claws, and was viciously attacking the muscle in his chest. He needed to be there for her - in all ways he possibly could be - it became so apparent in that moment, to him at least, that he was not there as much as he could possibly be.
Joshua Guthrie would do more. He would be better. He would work harder.
Guthries, the don’t give up.
“You never failed, Ramona. You did your best, and it was more than enough! Everyone made it home, that’s what matters. It’s fine’ta be scared… it’s natural, normal, an’ I know yer not alone. Baby, yew should’a said somethin’… I swear t’yew, yew never did nothin’ wrong.”
As he answered to her worries, Ramona began to recall all of the less-than-pleasant memories she carried from her youth in Ellesmere before she even had the chance to go to the States, and everyone despised her because she was different than they were. She watched him, his tense movements and small behaviors that she could automatically recognize from across the room by now, let alone right in front of her. The guy was full of emotions he’d never really express unless prodded endlessly—and she was the only one in the vicinity that could do just that.
However, she also knew that prodding Jay was not a very good idea when he was fighting back the full extent of his emotions. She’d experienced him when he was angry and flustered, after all, and it was a force to be reckoned with. Her body visibly trembled for but a moment as she gathered the ounce of courage she needed to speak freely—a rarity the England native barely used on her beau, let alone anyone she respected.
“I can’t ask you to stop worrying. If anything, telling you to do so will only make you worry more. What I can do is promise you that I will do my very damned best to protect you, your family, and your friends,” she said, taking the hand that had pinched the bridge of his nose only moments before into her own smaller ones. “If nothing is certain, you need to have faith. Whether it is faith in a god or those who you trust, it is faith nonetheless.”
She licked her lips lightly, squeezing his hand gently. “So what I’m asking is for you to have faith in me, love. We’ll be okay. They’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”
That pale face of hers turned a bit pink as she realized how brazen she had been behaving not even a second ago. She moved her hands away from holding his suddenly, chewing her bottom lip in apprehension. “I-I’m sorry—that was uncommonly brash of me and… Here we are, supposed to be enjoying this glorious Pancake Day and I just… I’m sorry.” The Brit looked away. “I’ll tell you about the books once we relax and begin eating. Would you like me to get you something to drink?”
Just because she was back to being that timid girl everyone knew didn’t make the words she’d sworn to him any less of the truth.
Under the surface, Jay was always a bit of a swirling sea of thoughts and depth that almost no one gave to him as granted; they thought him a country boy, or a stage act and not much more. Sure, he sang, sure he was a Kentucky boy born and raised - but despite his greatest efforts to quell his own emotions, he was at times, painfully deep. Green eyes widened as Ramona spoke in such a self-assured way. It was not bad; in fact, the opposite. So rare was it that the red-haired femme would actually speak her mind (which was a waste, in the opinion of the Southerner), and in a way, it warmed his heart.
Silently, he let her speak her piece until she seemed to curl back into herself, and without much thought, he grasped onto her shoulders not letting her pull away. Locking his eyes on hers, a little breath was let out, and he squeezed gently on her thin but solid frame. “Hey - hey. Naw, yer right - Ah… need’ta give yew more credit. Yew went inta’ battle an’ came out the other side, saved lives, helped others - yer one strong woman an’ Ah know that. Ah trust that yew’d make sure that everyone was safe even if that meant the worst - though Ah sincerely hope it wouldn’t. Ramona - there ain’t nothin’ wrong with what yew jus’ said ta’ me. Ah have faith; in God, an’ definitely in yew.”
His smile came back for a moment, and Jay shook his head, wild red hair splaying ever so slightly. “It’s jus’ a lot ta’ think about. Don’t think yer doin’ nothin’ wrong - sometimes, things jus’ have ta’ be serious fer a second. The brightest days’re after storms, y’know.”
By the time he had stopped speaking, Ramona’s face was nearly as red as his hair, and she actually had to look away and distract herself by fiddling about with reorganizing the ingredients she had used in an absentminded fashion. “I… thank you,” she mumbled, that squeak coming into her voice once again like it had done before when he tied up her hair to move it out of the way. The Brit would never get used to compliments from the Southerner, and she was actually pretty okay with that as far as she could see. She licked her lips—a nervous habit—and shifted in place as she tried to find something else to say since her voice was starting to betray her. A new topic might be best—for it seemed they both were feeling gobsmacked at the moment for an unknown reason (at least to her).
She cleared her throat lightly, brushing off the front of her apron lightly. “I bought a couple of books from work today, since I get a discount. Only a couple—by John Green—but… I… well, I suppose that’s not so important, is it?” She felt so nervous just then, for a reason she couldn’t discern, and it bothered her. There was a sort of shadow in Jay’s expression. There was a reason he said those things to her, wasn’t there? What was it? She waved off her earlier words. It was time to clear things up a bit.
“Jay. Did something happen?” Her tone was actually confident. Worried—but confident as she addressed him. Sometimes, he did tend to put aside that she knew him probably better than anyone save his mother or siblings. She knew when he was uncomfortable, when he was mad, when he was bothered, and when he was happy. And he wasn’t completely happy right then, despite the warm flapjacks in the room. She’d noticed how he behaved when it came to his mutation recently; the tenseness of his shoulders as if someone would see when he finally removed the coat he’d wear and then the harness. Ramona wasn’t blind, nor was she foolish.
But she was extremely concerned for him.
Jay’s mouth turned a frown and his eyebrows knitted, his left hand moving to pinch at the bridge of his nose and massage ever so gently. It was something that tended to distract him from the growing tenseness in his back, the urge for his wings to frill out and puff against whatever there was out there bigger, badder, and scarier than he was. Worries really did latch onto his heart and rip, tear, dig their way straight into his core. At any time, quiet, malevolent whispers traversed his mind;
What if something happens, and you can’t protect Ramona? What if something happens t’Maw…? Or the family - what if something happens to them and Ah’ can’t be there t’help?
What if they kill them because of their connection t’this place? T’me because Ah’m a damned mutant? What if something happens and it’s my fault?
It was rather hard for him to focus sometimes with all the shit going through his head, all the possibilities with the steadily increasing violence against his own kind. Most of the time, no one even noticed; he could hide it well behind a smile and a joke - but just then… it was much harder to even think of pushing it off.
“Yeah, Ah… Just had a bad experience, goin’ out on my own. Gets ya’ thinkin’… Thinkin’ about what’s gonna’ happen, an’ whatnot. Ah worry; fer yew an’ me, fer m’family, fer m’friends. Jus’… Ah dunno.” his face looked bleak for a moment, but after that the smile was back, and he was at least trying to take things back to a better subject.
“Uh… What’s yer book about? Ah read sometimes, but not too much anymore. What books’d yew get?”
Jay wasn’t concerned about selling himself short; all he wanted was to always do more for his love, whether he was doing ‘enough’ or not. Something in him always drove for more, even if wholeheartedly he believed in quality over quantity. At times, his heart ached for contact and love; to be close, to cherish his mate as much as he possibly could, and to live and love like there was no real tomorrow. With all that had happened already, and the increase in violence in the clime of New York against mutants, one never knew if that would become a reality - no tomorrow.
Now was not the time to think about that, though. Now was the time to be glad to be so close to a near perfect in every way woman; one that he adored and needed as much as air, or blood in his veins.
If he was made to make girls blush, he didn’t really know it; sure it happened, but in Jay’s mind, no more than other guys. Not that he didn’t appreciate the cute flush to Ramona’s cheeks whenever it came - no, not at all - he STRIVED to make her, almost… because it brought joy to his heart in so many ways. His hands stroked along her back for a moment, and redness came to his own face at her words and light press of lips to his cheek before strong hands and wings released her from his entrapment.
“Ah’m… more glad’n yew know, ‘Mona. But… Ah’m not gonna’ keep yew from doin’ things. Just… Had ta’ let yew know that Ah… y’know… Think about yew… when Ah’m not around, er…” there was that loss of words again, worse now as his face steadily went a shade almost mimicking his wonderously ruby hair, “Y’know what Ah mean.”
What’s wrong with yew all’va sudden, Guthrie!? Stop that blubberin’ an’ get it out! Why’s this so hard? Why’re yew makin’ it so hard?!
Ramona knew all too well about the increasing violence toward mutant kind—she did work in the city and saw many of the hate crimes, after all. But the girl knew to not make yourself conspicuous. She’d learned that even before coming to the States since she had been picked on back home in Ellesmere even before her shadow abilities had even begun to form. If you allowed yourself to blend into the crowd and act impassive to most things… you could get away with just about any sort of hidden object of known difference. It was difficult to actually know that such horrid things were happening to her own kind, but it was even more difficult to stand by when you saw it happening. She knew she had almost been caught a couple of times because her powers had let loose and had knocked an offender away from their victim. She’d made sure to hide away as soon as it had happened, though.
But those sort of thoughts would do no good in that moment in time as she felt Jay begin to move away from the embrace. Her head tilted curiously as he spoke, a soft hum of amusement escaping her despite her biting her lip to stifle it. The fact was that he was too charming when he stumbled over his own words.
“Well… whatever you say,” she muttered somewhat uncertainly as he released her, “But… no. I-I don’t know what you mean.” She took a small step back. Ramona pursed her lips, worried little scowl etching onto her face before she turned away to start slicing up the fruits needed to place them on the now partially cooled pancakes.
Why is he so shy all of a sudden? Most of the time, it’s me who has a lot of trouble setting up as much as a couple of words when he’s around…
It was probably nothing. Besides, she knew he must be hungry (if the grumbling from his stomach that she’d heard before and the fact that he rushed over so fast that he wasn’t wearing shoes was any sort of indication). So she got to beginning the finishing touches (placing the bananas on the hotcakes, then slicing some strawberries for herself and repeating the action for her own plate, then placing the butter and syrup on the side so each of them could put the mentioned products on as they so wished).
Whether it was mentioned or not, to most, it was obvious; his mutation was hard to hide at best. Leather straps that dug in and cut off blood supply, sometimes rending feathers from his flesh, leaving dark mahogany stains down his back, sometimes his shirts as well were what it took to try and blend in. Long coats, often xoupled with many layers were the norm for so long that, now, it was hard for him to wear just a t-shirt and not feel exposed.
Though his reactions were always tempered by his faith (the belief that everyone was inherently good - and that through God, all things could be made right), there had been several more negative episodes lately; he walked around town for a short while without his harness alone, and it seemed that every way he turned, someone was staring - and not with wonder, but with malice. It was hard to wipe these things from one’s mind…
The last thing Jay wanted to do was worry his love; and with a quickly beetlike face, he tried ever so hard to explain himself. That worried little scowl was punishment enough for his lack of any real melodic words to say. “Ah.. just mean that… when Ah see yew, life feels right. Ah’m not upset of scared - Ah’m not stressedm It all melts away. Yer the kinda girl that bards write songs about; the kind that’s so beautiful the sun can’t help but shine just ‘ta say ‘howdy’. Ah… it ain’t nothin’ bad… Ah just… wanted ta’ tell yew.”
I fantard over every chapter. I need this in my life, kthx. I JUST LOVE IT SO MUHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUCHthe-whole-darn-choir liked your link: The Price of Loyalty Chapter Five: This Is Who
ooc: I am kind of freaking out because it’s a fanfic about Jay and I totes want him and Charlotte to be together and the fact that you liked it omg.
Dying.
